Two Schools of Thought

I had intended to write about my weekend, which was, in comparison to most, tame. I traveled to Toronto on Friday evening and was put to bed by my Bestie, at 11:30 pm. "I haven't gone to be this early since I was ten," I told her. We were up at 5:30 am to oversee a corporate BBQ. It rained. I ran the children's activity. I ended up getting pummeled with water ballons. Water ballons I spent hours filling up. But I digress. I am going to muse on something that I have mused on before I'm sure, but need to again to see if I have any intention of changing my ways.

I was inspired to deal with this issue again because of something I read last week. Graham Hill is an amature bodybuilder base in Lisle, Illinois.

I had seen his picture a few times on the internet years and years ago and his image has been burned into my brain ever since. I'm not exactly sure how I came to know him outside of his beefcake work, but I started following him on Bodybuilding.com and Facebook. Anyway, last week he wrote a blog posting about dieting that contained the lines:

"Learn to love dieting. There is a feeling that is way more satisfying and long term than feeding unhealthy desires, and that seeing results in your physique and being confident knowing your healthy and look good." [Source]

I do not agree with that statement, not even a little bit. First, there is no better feeling than that first bite of pizza, the point, thin carb base, sweet tomato sauce, the fatty cheese, the salty, cured
meat. Sure our culture shames gastro-indulgence - especially if you feign to be "healthy" - and the guilt and disillusionment from a dietary slip can be soul crushing. This does not take away from the fact that during act, you are in a state of total bliss. A wave of euphoria rushes over one's body and suddenly all thoughts and anxieties are quieted even if only for a few moments. That is satisfaction.

You know whats not satisfaction? Dieting! Its the opposite of satisfaction! I remember whenever I (briefly, but earnestly) took on a diet, I begrudged every single thing about it. The hunger, the irritability due to the hunger, the lack of flavour, the lack of satisfaction.

Now, it must be said that I have never had the opportunity to experience the other half of what Graham talks about - "seeing results in your physique." Since my first big weight loss in 2004, I really haven't had much change in my body other than a slight gain.

But there is a more fundamental reason that I do not prescribe Graham's notion of satisfaction through deprivation:
I have, for some time now, been aware of my mortality. I base a lot of my daily life choices on the above phrase because the length of our lives is something that we truly have no control over. I also live by the idea of having no regrets. I feel if I were to die tomorrow #knockonwood, I wouldn't say, "Damn, I really should have saved myself the calories and not have those cocktails before going to see Bad Teacher."

I am quite comfortable with this philosophy, which is why it has been so enduring in my life. But my obsession (word choice?) with TRYING to get a better body is also enduring. Am I comfortable with the way I look? Absolutely*. An (*)?! Whatever could that mean? Well, I am comfortable when its me and a mirror? Yes. Am I comfortable enough to take off my shirt? Most places. Where, you ask, where do you not feel comfortable?

The answer: Around gays. Yes, I will display my rolls with pride in front of my straight friends, but gays are shallow, vicious creatures who have no time for people whose torsos go like this : (_), rather than like this: )_(.

My issue with shallow gays (of which I am one - RA-LAX) will have to wait for another time.