Two Schools of Thought

I had intended to write about my weekend, which was, in comparison to most, tame. I traveled to Toronto on Friday evening and was put to bed by my Bestie, at 11:30 pm. "I haven't gone to be this early since I was ten," I told her. We were up at 5:30 am to oversee a corporate BBQ. It rained. I ran the children's activity. I ended up getting pummeled with water ballons. Water ballons I spent hours filling up. But I digress. I am going to muse on something that I have mused on before I'm sure, but need to again to see if I have any intention of changing my ways.

I was inspired to deal with this issue again because of something I read last week. Graham Hill is an amature bodybuilder base in Lisle, Illinois.

I had seen his picture a few times on the internet years and years ago and his image has been burned into my brain ever since. I'm not exactly sure how I came to know him outside of his beefcake work, but I started following him on Bodybuilding.com and Facebook. Anyway, last week he wrote a blog posting about dieting that contained the lines:

"Learn to love dieting. There is a feeling that is way more satisfying and long term than feeding unhealthy desires, and that seeing results in your physique and being confident knowing your healthy and look good." [Source]

I do not agree with that statement, not even a little bit. First, there is no better feeling than that first bite of pizza, the point, thin carb base, sweet tomato sauce, the fatty cheese, the salty, cured
meat. Sure our culture shames gastro-indulgence - especially if you feign to be "healthy" - and the guilt and disillusionment from a dietary slip can be soul crushing. This does not take away from the fact that during act, you are in a state of total bliss. A wave of euphoria rushes over one's body and suddenly all thoughts and anxieties are quieted even if only for a few moments. That is satisfaction.

You know whats not satisfaction? Dieting! Its the opposite of satisfaction! I remember whenever I (briefly, but earnestly) took on a diet, I begrudged every single thing about it. The hunger, the irritability due to the hunger, the lack of flavour, the lack of satisfaction.

Now, it must be said that I have never had the opportunity to experience the other half of what Graham talks about - "seeing results in your physique." Since my first big weight loss in 2004, I really haven't had much change in my body other than a slight gain.

But there is a more fundamental reason that I do not prescribe Graham's notion of satisfaction through deprivation:
I have, for some time now, been aware of my mortality. I base a lot of my daily life choices on the above phrase because the length of our lives is something that we truly have no control over. I also live by the idea of having no regrets. I feel if I were to die tomorrow #knockonwood, I wouldn't say, "Damn, I really should have saved myself the calories and not have those cocktails before going to see Bad Teacher."

I am quite comfortable with this philosophy, which is why it has been so enduring in my life. But my obsession (word choice?) with TRYING to get a better body is also enduring. Am I comfortable with the way I look? Absolutely*. An (*)?! Whatever could that mean? Well, I am comfortable when its me and a mirror? Yes. Am I comfortable enough to take off my shirt? Most places. Where, you ask, where do you not feel comfortable?

The answer: Around gays. Yes, I will display my rolls with pride in front of my straight friends, but gays are shallow, vicious creatures who have no time for people whose torsos go like this : (_), rather than like this: )_(.

My issue with shallow gays (of which I am one - RA-LAX) will have to wait for another time.

This what 6 months looks like

Well its time for another reboot of this blog o' mine. Chances we'll see another post this month? Who knows?! But I'll tell you what, if spent half the amount of time I spend jerking off, on this little project who knows what level of internet infamy I could reach!

I am currently sitting my temporary office, waiting for my #1 Gurl to finish up her shift. The plan of course, as it always is, is to get fuct up. You see tonight, I am going to see a production Rocky Horror, a scaled down, for stage version of the cult film of a very similar name, The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Of course I won't get fucked up really. Its a Wednesday first off, which when I was in my undergrad,( and even after when I was still a part-timer) was a GREAT night for boozing, but now that I have begun the migration into adulthood, is against better judgment, to say the least. Couple that with the fact that the show is at a bar, which means I'll have to stand, and that I'm broke, and "fucked up" becomes a more reasonable "sufficiently drunk".

All of this however is rouse, to con myself into believing I have a good reason for not going to the gym. You'll like this one: I stopped going to the gym regularly on June 1st. I got my wisdom teeth out the next day and needed time to rest. The next week I believer I made an effort to work out twice. Last week was the same story. This week, I haven't succeeded - as yet. I had a staff BBQ on Monday, which with the two free drinks I was alotted, and the fact the my #1 Gurl was running the bar, turned into 4 free drinks, and ruled the gym out due to safety concerns (Yeah right, as if I'd waste a free buzz - or buzz for that matter).

This was all planned mind you. After #1 Gurl was off, we went to the LCBO, got some booze and proceeded to treat the evening like a Friday. We ended up at the bar with some friends of mine from Tap Hau5. One of them ended up getting kicked out of the bar. I walked with him to his house, and stopped in for a drink. All of a sudden it was 3:30 am and I crashed there. My 6:30 am alarm didn't wake me up, but the morning sun brought the room temperature to well over 80 and woke me up with exactly 30 to get to work. I was only 15 minutes late, and I got a shower in. Thanks go out to Terry for the bus fare I stole.

So Sufficiently Drunk will have to do for tonight. My Migration into Adulthood is very slow, and I'll go ahead and say steady *knockonwood*. I still live with students, which I love 75% of the time. I still party more days of the week than I don't (Fri/Sat/TapTues/+Bonus Night). But I have a nine to five. I have pension. I almost paid taxes this year. What more could I really ask for?

Update!

What up December ~ Looking good. I am yet again having one of those page turning months. My job is secure for now. I just moved. Now is the time to try and get a handle on things. Went to the gym for the first time in ooooh lets say - 4 months...? I feel like it could very well be much longer than that, but I digress. I had a really good workout - totally overdid it, but whatever, that's what I'm going for this time around.

My Diet starts today. I've been prepping myself for it. I now have a liquid breakfast. It this meal replacement you mix with milk, sort of like chocolate milk. That compared to the eat whatever you see attitude I've been going for the past little while. I'm going to try and watch my carbs at lunch. And then small dinner. But as long as I can keep up with the gym, the diet isn't so important to me.

Watched the Victoria Secret Fashion Show last night. Not by choice. Yet another reason the boy has to go. I thought that I watched some pretty mindless shit, but oh my god, just - nothing - there. I did sort of enjoy Katy Parry, but she as super auto-tuned. Totally turned me off seeing her live.

Oh also started a new blog. Not totally ready to reveal it to the world, but very close. gonna try and a get a few more posts up and play with the layout a bit. Hit the Link. Anyways I think that's it for now.

Back at IT

Well, well, its appears as though as much as I would like to pretend I'm over blogging, I'm not. At least not right at this moment.

Currently watching the Simpson's. In my empty living room, waiting to go meet potential new roommates. I realized today that I need to get on top of this whole living situation before I really and truly find myself homeless. I was on Kijiji today and found a couple of ads looking for roommates. Gay Roommates. I was a little hesitant at first, but figured that I have the option of living with straight guys, and they're pigs. I love them, but pigs all the same. So why not. I hope I make a good impression, because I'm really not up for the whole searching thing.

Simpson's update: Bart lost the Isototes Pennant. And Homer is a Mattress Salesman.

I'm about 20 minutes away from joining the Blackberry World. I'm scared. No Scured. Yes, scured. Its going to cost me $50 a month. Barf. I've been surviving on my Telus Pay As You Go for like $20 a month. Fuck whatever, who knows maybe I'll like it...*eyeroll*

Ok going to call Rogers, go meet these queers and then post pictures of my Movember mustache.

blah

I went out last night with my roommate, his friends, and a friend from work. We had a "great" time. I work this morning and I feel completely deflated and melancholy.

This is why I don't blog anymore.

Not exactly sure

So, where do begin. The last time I was on here I cancelled my birthday because of work. Well that went swimmingly. Really it did. I tended bar Friday night and make the most in tips ($200). I left with $110, but so it goes. I also got hit on by a girl. Not really my scene but it was nice to have some attention. Reminds me that I'm not a total gorgoeil (sp?... going to check... I think it has a y in it...) gargoyle. It was sort of an awkward experience. She was all over my jock. And I just kept smiling and taking her money. I was actually trying to make her so super drunk she'd have to just leave, but she powered through and was there till last call. I hope she got home alright.

However things got bad on Sunday. Not bad thats an exaggeration. Sad... I had been texting Al (my ex-old man friend) for a little while since new years, trying to get his attention more than anything. I was put off by the fact that he was cutting me off, as bloody if. then I remembered I left my 2008 tax return at his apartment and was getting anxious to get it back. I fucking hate tax season by the way. Anyways, we made plans to get thogether Sunday. There were no expilict plans of sex, but considering I haven't had any since January, I had explicit plans to have sex.

To make a long story short, he finished I didn't. Had to one out in the shower thinking about Terry (yeah). The night wasn't a total loss though. In our old tradition we get right high and drunk. Was a good base for Family dinner at Tap. Rolled over there and had a streak and a glass or red wine. Then on my way home stopped and grabbed a pizza. Went home and ate it and got more stoned with my roommate. Went to bed feeling like bloated discombobulated dog.

I suppose there is an accurate response to the goings on or my uneventful birthday weekend, but I'm not exactly sure what is it. I'm tired of feeling sorry for myself. Truly there is no possible way for me to feel accomplished right? I'm not angry or mad. It came and went just like any other weekend, only that is maked a milestone that I'm really not keen on observing myself. The only thing I wish is that my chapped lips would heal.

Short notes:
Working in the office this week and its DEAD. Or at least it was dead today probably spent an hour working. The rest of it was spent dicking around, i.e. writing this blog, texting, shitting.

Going to see Alice in Wonderland tonight with my roommate. She's a doll. My roommate, not Alice. She might be, we'll see.

Really, really need a vacation. Want to go to Quebec City for Red Bull Crushed Ice. Totally unlikely, but a boy can dream oui, non?

I think thats it...

Like a small child

So it's Tuesday afternoon. And I'm just about to smoke a bowl. I spent the entire day yesterday on the couch with my roommate. Its sort of like a tradition. We call it "roomie day". We start with breakfeast and watch terrible day time television. I made soup for the first time. Carrot and sweet potato. The day is capped off with 24. Jack Bower is the man.

I was "creeping" facebook this morning and saw my friends talking about going to the "Monday/Funday." No one called me.

Now, I just posted about how I drink too much. And I stayed out on Sunday night until like 4. "Crazy drugs" may or may not have been involved.

But really? No one called me?
Say word to your mother.

And the worst part is I can absolutely see how absurd it is to feel slighted by my "friends". But it does kind of sting.

Which is why I cancelled my birthday. It's Friday, which is the day I bartend so I wasn't giving that up. And I am working everyday day this week and next week, so I can't really do any week day drinking. And its this other kid from that bar's birthday on Wednesday.

So yeah. Just like a small child. Whatever.

One small step

Saturday Afternoon. I'm watching a very interesting documentary on the CBC about mall culture. Its decline in the West and its boom in the west. The segment right now is about India. Its really disturbing. I'm also downloading porn.

This had been a really tough week for me. My demons have been in control for the most part. Went out for a friend's birthday on Tuesday. Got shit faced. Good night, terrible Morning. Woke up on Wednesday and felt like death and said to myself, "Will, no more drinking." Of course, by 5 I had a beer in hand. But there was hockey on, right? So whats the big deal? Canada Won. Hooray! More drinking.

Woke up on Terry's couch Thursday morning. Terrible. Terry, by the way is my old new straight boy crush. And by old new, I mean that he was new, but just this week I got over him. Yes I know, my straight boy obsession is old you'd think that by 24 I'd have figured that shit out. But I haven't. And I'm okay with that. It doesn't happen all that often. One a year. As much I know how ridiculous it is, it makes me feel alive. Because I do in fact love these boys. Its a fantasy, and it makes me feel good. For a while at least. I'd an addict through in through I guess.

And that'll do for now.

Back Handed Compliments AKA WAY T.M.I

So, I suppose I should start this post off with the most exciting of news: I met a boy. he's not like the other boys I have met in Korea, he's a real boy. He's an out and proud, 6'5'', Australian boy, who I am quite taken with.

That news is bumps my other most exciting news to second. That news is of course that I am so fucking close to being out of this country, I can fucking taste it. I have all my visas, I bought my backpack, I've sent home more than half of the stuff I came to this country with. I have all of my plane tickets EXCEPT the most important one - the one home.

We had asked our director about getting the cash for our ticket, because our contract states that we get a ticket home, from Busan. But since we are going to be all the way in Bangkok, Thailand, we said just give us the money, and we'll pay the difference. For whatever reason she said that it was no problem, she'd buy our ticket for us. Now we did some investigating the travel agent said it would be something like 2,000,000 won (about $2000). She siad because the flight was outside of Korea, we weren't eligible for any discounts. Anyways we looked around and found an airline that would get us from Bangkok - Toronto for $1022 CAN. The only catch was that it had to be purchased on the internet.

Anyways we leave in exactly 2 weeks and - no ticket. Paitently waiting.

Anyways so the meat of the story - Z - not the Z of yester-post, but lets call him ZJ, his initals. It all started on Friday night when my posse and I said that we wanted to do something outside of the norm one Friday night. We heard about a bonfire at the faraway beach that we used to frequent last summer. So we rolled out there and were having quite an enjoyable time. However the girls couldn't help themselves and so they ditched and hit up KSU and our usual haunts. I hung back with one other girl and we continued chatting until I checked my phone for the time and saw the following txt msg: "JROLLO GAWAY PARTY AT KINO AT LEAST 5 GAYS" I grabbed my friend and put her ass in a cab with me and I told the driver Kino.

(gotta to my last class finish later)

We were got to the bar and I saw Kyle2 ( a skinny, blond, blading gay guy, who looks like my best friend from London, Kyle) and we chatted for a little bit. He introduced me to ZJ and said, "Hey you should take him home." I looked over at ZJ, sized him up and said, "Ok." The rest as they say is history. We've known each other 3 weeks and we spend A LOT of time together.

He's a really cool guy and we are both pieces. {WARING: Here comes to TMI} We are also both tops. When two queer meet, you have to figure out who's the top and who's bottom. It obviously doesn't work if you've got two of the same. Anyways, it took us a little bit to figure out what was doing. He took it first. I promised that I'd take it before I left. But, last night he took it again (It was glorious btw). We were in the shower afterwards and he says, "This is bad, because I kind of like bottoming for you." I cock and eye. "Well, you're not that big, so it doesn't hurt or anything." he says.

"Well you sure know how to make a guy feel comfident about himself." I said.

"You know what I mean," he said.

A back-handed compliment if I ever heard one.

This weekend, we're heading to Mudfest. We have heard about about this thing sicne we first got here. 3000 foreigners take over this beach town up north, roll around in mud, drowning in soju, and its supposed to be EPIC. I can't wait. We gotta get up at 6:45 am though, which is balls, then be on a bus for 3+ hours. Balls. But supposed to be EPIC. We'll see.

Also reports that school children who went last weekend got some sort of weird rash is dampening the atmosphere. Not hot. But again, we'll see. As if drunk foreigners would restain themselves for something as small as a rash.

Thats it (started drinking already, what's wrong with me) OUT

May: the month nothing went my way

So, I'm gonna go ahead and say thank god May is over. I tried my best to get things on track after Seoul, but shit just wouldn't go my way. Whatever, I'm over.

In case you didn't hear, I got right wasted on the 22nd and woke up with a gaint gash in my arm. My bedsheets were covered in blood, I looked at the whole and I swore I could see muscle. It was not hot. I'm glad I made the smart decision to go to hospital and get it looked at. I had to get 4 stitches (and a tetanus shot) at the cost of180,000 won (~$165). Fucking worst. Now the school will cover me for half, but still.

Gah! And I've started to more aggressively plan my exit strategy and I hate it because there are so many unknowns. It looks like now we'll be leaving for Vietnam from Japan. But bloodly Japan is so exspensive, not sure if it will be worth it to just fly back to Busan. And I bought a box, to send my shit home, because I can't travel with everything I brought. That means I'll have to sell (gulp - give away) my luggage. And then there's whole 'what the fuck am I gonna do when I get home?!'

Anyways I'm gonna just walk blindly into the future and hope that everything falls into place like I have been so lucky thus far to be my experience - except for May.

Oh yeah. I'm not getting laid ever again. I am gonna go fucking blind *shakes head*

I would...

I realize now the problem with my 90 day mission was the first day I gave myself a cheat. It was called perfection for a reason, but that really didn't mean that much to me. I'm over it which it good, but still got this beer gut which is bad.

Currently it is 7:46a.m. and I am waiting for my laundry to finish. I got up at 6:30 this morning to go for a run, my new attempt to stay in shape, but when I got down to the street it STARTED raining. When I was getting ready in my apartment it wasn't raining. When I left the buiding it was spitting. But when I got the light, it was totally coming down. I decided to turn around and call it quits because #1, I had my MP3 player on me (brand new, to replace the one I lost drunkenly) and #2, to avoid getting sick.

I can't believe it been so long since I last posted. Or I can because I have been running in the morning and that doesn't leave much time in the morning to do anything but get ready. You know me, once the sun goes down I'm closed for business. I can't rightly do anything. I have got the change that before I become an old man, but the truth is I get do so much during daylight hours, I think I deserve some time to myself.

Sure, sure, what could me more self serving than blogging. I just don't like to get my mind going at night, because I'm kind of neurotic and I could very easily see being kept up by my churning brain. And my sleep is very valuable to me. Very.

So what has happened since my last post. Lots of nothing. Went up to Seoul at the beginning of the month. That was fun. Homo Hill was a fucking dissappointment. Went to the DMZ. Fairly interesting though also kinda boring.

Dear god I haven't gotten laid since my last post either. April 11 - now is... 5 weeks and counting. I was at the bar last night and I said, if I go though all of June, I'm going to stop trying. Oh, p.s. I'm going home for the end of August.

Gotta go get ready for the school. I'll be back.

90 days to Perfection: Day 14 [Weekend Update]

So this weekend wasn't much different from last weekend. I cheated major hardcore. But the weekend was GLORIOUS.

Friday I went to the gym (yay me!), and then I went to glabi and got shittered. It was fun. Saturday we went for brunch on the beach. The place was really, really nice and had really good food. It was almost $10 a head, and of course I wanted nothing to do with that, so I drank beer instead. Then we proceeded to Heaundae beach and had such a wonderful day it was disgusting.

I drank lots of soju, played some kick ball, went for a dip in the freezing water, talked a bunch of shit to a bunch of people, just good fucking times. I remember being hammered and standing in the sun and being very happy with myself.

Saturday night was messy. We didn't get out until after midnight. Ended up at Ghetto bar, making out harcore with Matt. Almost the half the bar clapped for us. Terrible. Went back to his house, yada yada yada, I took the subway home Sunday morning.

The plan was to hit the beach again on Sunday, but plans were slow to come together so me and X decided to hit the jimgyobong. We went to Spaland, the one that opened recently in the new mega department store Shinshegae. It was really nice, cost like $14, but it was a full day experience so it was worth it. Ended up doing fried chicken and pizza and beer for dinner. Nice relaxing Sunday.

I skipped morning cardio Monday, went out for a few beers with the girls that night. But I'm not stressing. Things are going quite well, so I'm not going to beat myself up. Going with the flow.
Peace out.

90 days to Perfection: Day 6 [Weekend Update]

So I totally cheated this weekend. And I am okay with that because I had a pretty awesome weekend.

I skipped the gym on Friday, and I tried my hardest not to, but it couldn't be helped. My friend Dawn got into teacher's college in Toronto (so excited) and so she wanted someone celebrate with, and there I was.

That was followed by Galbi, which was awesome. That was followed by Kino and Ghetto. Then I look at my phone and it was 3:30 and I paintball in the morning, so I called it a night. X, however didn't and drank til 7a.m. When I went to his house on Saturday morning at 11:15, he was hugging the toilet. So he missed paintball.

At paintball I spent the entire time getting drunk off soju/orange juice. Playing was a lot of fun too. I got fucking mascured, got some beautiful bruses to prove it.

Saturday night got off to a late start but had a wicked predrink and then went a bar that we don't frequent called U2 and had a blast. Then of course we ended up at Kino. Went to McDonalds on the way home. Glorious.

Sunday went to the beach. My widget said it was going to be 18, but it definitely wasn't 18. Nice but not 18. Played some frizbee, learned a new game called tips. Hard. My team was losing, and so I start sacrificing my body to make plays. I cut my leg open pretty nice on the sand. Had a hilirous conversation about licking the wound.

Sunday night watched a Canadian movie called Passchendaele. The first half of the movie was very questionable. It was a WWI "epic" (used very losly), and this soldier comes home from the front shell shocked and so he gets assigned to recruiting. Blah blah blah, falls in love, blah blah blah, gets sent back to the front. The battle that it showed was really really well done, and really puts into prespective what fighting a war is all about. The film itself was beautifully shot, and the acting wasn't bad. But the writing was fucking brutal.

Anyways, I am not going to say that I failed, because I didn't. I got up this morning to do my cardio. I'm going to the gym tonight. I am starting to look slightly better and its been two weeks. Gonna stick it out. Gonna get'r done.

90 days to Perfection: Day 2

Lordy, lordy, nothing rally goes right for me eh? So yesterday was day 1, not bad, just like any other day. Glad I tried to "set a tone" last week. Woke up this morning and my shoulder fucking kills. I must have slept on it funny. But it fucked with my cardio this morning. Strange because I could do push-ups no problem, but when I was doing leg raises it was blindingly painful. And today is supposed to be my shoulder day.

Morning cardio is also starting to tire me out. Last week I felt awesome, but I'm starting to feel it at work. I think I have to be VERY strick with my bedtime. 12:00-12:15 I'm fine, but 12:15-12:30 I definitly feel it the next day.

Also the drinking temptation is too much. Its only Thursday and people are making plans and I'm like "resistance... is... futile..." The girls are all going out of town so it'll be just me and X and two (or three) other friends. But we're all good times, no one I know is boring. Luckily, one friend is doing a detox which doesn't end til Monday I think. So I will need to use her as cruch. Or I could just drink. But I had said I only wanted to have two cheat day per month. And Leanne's birthday is one at the end of the month. And I don't even have any money or anything right now (like I'm literally broke, gonna have to get a loan from Leanne til Monday).

Terrible. Trying to get my food-cheats under control as well. Yesterday was just a few cups of tea, which I'm not sure I will be able to give up. But there always seems to be treats showing up in the office, cakes or pateries or cookies. I wish they had rice cakes in this country.

And my weight keeps going up. I set a mental goal of wanting to weigh 169 pounds at the end of this, checked my weight yesterday and it was 79.7 Kg (175 pounds), up from 77..8 (171). I can't fucking win.

Whatever I'm trying, we'll see how it goes. Power through bitch.

March: By the Numbers

Number of times I went to the gym: 14/31 (j.c)
Number of days I smoked: 11/31
Number of days I drank beer: 9/31

So I got better on my non-beer and cigarettes days, but Jeez, didn't realize the gym was so bad. I guess the week of my birthday had something to do with it.

*As a note I was working on my 10k time, rather than lifting at the gym. I've got it down to 51:40.

90 days to Perfection: T-2 days

The alternative title to this post was "Cheese and Carbs many, many"
That was my Saturday. The plan was to stay in Friday night and then run to the beach on Saturday morning and spend the day hanging out and oogiling foreigners. Instead I woke up close to 2 p.m. with a wicked hangover and spent the day eating - cheese and carbs.

It was actually pretty glorious, but that is the type of shit that I am going to have to avoid on the 90 day journey. But I had to get that (Saturday) out of my system. I am going to remember that day so that I can convince myself that no, I don't need to go out drinking till 6a.m. No, I don't need the spend the whole day nursing myself like a heartbroken teenage girl. Yes, I will get out of bed, out of this house and go and do something active.

This Saturday paintball part 2. Excited.

Morning Carido again today. Awesome. Gym after work. I can do this. Watch me.

90 days to Perfection: T-5 days

I think I have gotten off to a pretty good pre-start. I have found that going to bed a reasonable time is fucking amazing. The past two days I have woken up at 6:40 and I really don't feel any more tired than I usually do at school, and to be perfectly honest, I think I feel a little bit better.

The think that I think I am going to have to try and figure out is the whole food thing. This my current diet:

Breakfast (9:00)
2-3 Bananas
1/2 cup of milk (sometimes a yogurt)
24-35g of protein
in a shake

2 boiled eggs (just the whites)

Lunch (12:00)
A spinach salad with a moderate dressing
(oriental/yogurt based)

Snack (2:30-4:30)
A yogurt
crackers
An apple (sometimes)
Fruit Juice

Dinner
???
Ranges from stir fries, to pasta, I used to make eggs and veggies, but not so much anymore. The problem with dinner is the timing. If I eat before the gym, its at like 6:30 and when I'm done at the gym I'm staving and will make a small snack when I get home at 10. If I don't eat until after the gym its at 11. That can't be good. But I really don't have much choice. I think what I will try is to try to eat at the earlier time and not make that snack when I get home.

Except on Tuesday-Thursday... because if I leave school at 5:30 I can be home from the gym by like 8/8:30. Tuesday s fuct too, because it has now become my grocery shopping day, so I still don't get to the gym till like 7:30/8. But I have started eating at Mega Mart. A meat stick and some soup, usually does me good and its under $3...

April 1st!

**Update
I went to the gym today and I got some numbers.
Weight: 77.9 Kg
Body fat: 23%
5Km: 26:40

Set goal another day, Boys Over Flowers awaits!

90 days to Perfection: T-7 days

Ok so I skipped the gym yesterday because I felt so tried and miserable. I actually went to the gym and they said they had no lockers, and that they could put my shit in the office, but I was like, nope, not having it - going home.

On the way home, I had to use all of my will power not to stop at every western food joint (i.e. McDonalds and Pizza Bingo) that would take my VISA because I am butt-fuck broke right now. I had to get an advance from work.

And I yet another resolution. Mud Fest is in July. That gives me almost exactly 3 months to get my chit together. I want to look good when I go, and not sucking in my stomach good. Just good. So from the first I am giving myself 90 to turn myself into something that I have never been. Hot.

I have seen ridiculos 12 week transformations. And if I read one more thing about consistency and dedication I'll just throw myself out of a window.

So, today, I didn't want to go to the gym. But Idid. And last night I went to bed at 12:30 and I woke up this morning at 7:11. I am going to see if I can do that again. Early to bed, early to rise. And get a cardio set in.

I'll keep you posted.

For the sake of posting

Currently waiting for my laundry to finish so I can watch Boys Over Flowers. Awesome Korean drama. Well not really awesome, but its the big thing right now, and we found it online with English subtitles. It makes me feel a little bit more connected with this god forsaken country. Its really kitschy, and who who doesn't love a little kitsch in their lives.

What else. Oh, birthday weekend. The letter. I'm going to let that stay in the pages of my pen and paper journal. Yeah, I journal too. Maybe a bit overkill, but who fucking asked you? I do it for times like these. Needless to say it was a fucking gongshow, there was a bit more embarrassment than I would have liked, but all the parties involved seem to be over it, so hazaa.

I started "distance training" this week. I've been running 10km on the treadmill in leu of actually working out. Its burns about a 1000 calories which I am all about and it makes me feel really accomplished. In four days I have lost 4 pounds and taken a 1:40 off of my over all time. I feel pretty good about myself. The test will be, I suppose, next week.

Thats it. Work still sucks. Feeling better about the whole X thing for know. Either fortunately or unfortunately, he read the letter, but did make any other acknowledgement of the situation. Chalk another one up for him. Dickface. Yeah you, dickface.

Laundry just chimed at me. Peace out.

February: By the Numbers

Number of days in the country: 28/28
Number of times I went to the gym: 12/28 :|
Number of days I smoked: 18/28
Number of days I drank beer: 14/28

Over it - I have many excuses. I have been doing (a bit) better in March and I am comfortable with my "progress".