90 days to Perfection: Day 14 [Weekend Update]

So this weekend wasn't much different from last weekend. I cheated major hardcore. But the weekend was GLORIOUS.

Friday I went to the gym (yay me!), and then I went to glabi and got shittered. It was fun. Saturday we went for brunch on the beach. The place was really, really nice and had really good food. It was almost $10 a head, and of course I wanted nothing to do with that, so I drank beer instead. Then we proceeded to Heaundae beach and had such a wonderful day it was disgusting.

I drank lots of soju, played some kick ball, went for a dip in the freezing water, talked a bunch of shit to a bunch of people, just good fucking times. I remember being hammered and standing in the sun and being very happy with myself.

Saturday night was messy. We didn't get out until after midnight. Ended up at Ghetto bar, making out harcore with Matt. Almost the half the bar clapped for us. Terrible. Went back to his house, yada yada yada, I took the subway home Sunday morning.

The plan was to hit the beach again on Sunday, but plans were slow to come together so me and X decided to hit the jimgyobong. We went to Spaland, the one that opened recently in the new mega department store Shinshegae. It was really nice, cost like $14, but it was a full day experience so it was worth it. Ended up doing fried chicken and pizza and beer for dinner. Nice relaxing Sunday.

I skipped morning cardio Monday, went out for a few beers with the girls that night. But I'm not stressing. Things are going quite well, so I'm not going to beat myself up. Going with the flow.
Peace out.

March: By the Numbers

Number of times I went to the gym: 14/31 (j.c)
Number of days I smoked: 11/31
Number of days I drank beer: 9/31

So I got better on my non-beer and cigarettes days, but Jeez, didn't realize the gym was so bad. I guess the week of my birthday had something to do with it.

*As a note I was working on my 10k time, rather than lifting at the gym. I've got it down to 51:40.

90 days to Perfection: T-2 days

The alternative title to this post was "Cheese and Carbs many, many"
That was my Saturday. The plan was to stay in Friday night and then run to the beach on Saturday morning and spend the day hanging out and oogiling foreigners. Instead I woke up close to 2 p.m. with a wicked hangover and spent the day eating - cheese and carbs.

It was actually pretty glorious, but that is the type of shit that I am going to have to avoid on the 90 day journey. But I had to get that (Saturday) out of my system. I am going to remember that day so that I can convince myself that no, I don't need to go out drinking till 6a.m. No, I don't need the spend the whole day nursing myself like a heartbroken teenage girl. Yes, I will get out of bed, out of this house and go and do something active.

This Saturday paintball part 2. Excited.

Morning Carido again today. Awesome. Gym after work. I can do this. Watch me.

90 days to Perfection: T-5 days

I think I have gotten off to a pretty good pre-start. I have found that going to bed a reasonable time is fucking amazing. The past two days I have woken up at 6:40 and I really don't feel any more tired than I usually do at school, and to be perfectly honest, I think I feel a little bit better.

The think that I think I am going to have to try and figure out is the whole food thing. This my current diet:

Breakfast (9:00)
2-3 Bananas
1/2 cup of milk (sometimes a yogurt)
24-35g of protein
in a shake

2 boiled eggs (just the whites)

Lunch (12:00)
A spinach salad with a moderate dressing
(oriental/yogurt based)

Snack (2:30-4:30)
A yogurt
crackers
An apple (sometimes)
Fruit Juice

Dinner
???
Ranges from stir fries, to pasta, I used to make eggs and veggies, but not so much anymore. The problem with dinner is the timing. If I eat before the gym, its at like 6:30 and when I'm done at the gym I'm staving and will make a small snack when I get home at 10. If I don't eat until after the gym its at 11. That can't be good. But I really don't have much choice. I think what I will try is to try to eat at the earlier time and not make that snack when I get home.

Except on Tuesday-Thursday... because if I leave school at 5:30 I can be home from the gym by like 8/8:30. Tuesday s fuct too, because it has now become my grocery shopping day, so I still don't get to the gym till like 7:30/8. But I have started eating at Mega Mart. A meat stick and some soup, usually does me good and its under $3...

April 1st!

**Update
I went to the gym today and I got some numbers.
Weight: 77.9 Kg
Body fat: 23%
5Km: 26:40

Set goal another day, Boys Over Flowers awaits!

90 days to Perfection: T-7 days

Ok so I skipped the gym yesterday because I felt so tried and miserable. I actually went to the gym and they said they had no lockers, and that they could put my shit in the office, but I was like, nope, not having it - going home.

On the way home, I had to use all of my will power not to stop at every western food joint (i.e. McDonalds and Pizza Bingo) that would take my VISA because I am butt-fuck broke right now. I had to get an advance from work.

And I yet another resolution. Mud Fest is in July. That gives me almost exactly 3 months to get my chit together. I want to look good when I go, and not sucking in my stomach good. Just good. So from the first I am giving myself 90 to turn myself into something that I have never been. Hot.

I have seen ridiculos 12 week transformations. And if I read one more thing about consistency and dedication I'll just throw myself out of a window.

So, today, I didn't want to go to the gym. But Idid. And last night I went to bed at 12:30 and I woke up this morning at 7:11. I am going to see if I can do that again. Early to bed, early to rise. And get a cardio set in.

I'll keep you posted.

February: By the Numbers

Number of days in the country: 28/28
Number of times I went to the gym: 12/28 :|
Number of days I smoked: 18/28
Number of days I drank beer: 14/28

Over it - I have many excuses. I have been doing (a bit) better in March and I am comfortable with my "progress".

I finally get the wagon metaphor

So I fell off the wagon - really hard - this weekend.

This was supposed to be the month of clean living. And I made it all the way to Friday. I went to the gym Friday. I came home and settled in for a quite night. But my roommate forgot her phone at the apartment, so all the people calling her to make plans we getting me instead.

I just HAD to go down the street to where she was predrinking to give her her phone. And how the hell was I going to avoid the temptation after that?

I was considering titling this post: "Will-I-Am-Not"

I was really disappointed with myself. I cannot put my mind to ANYTHING and accomplish it. Its like I'm incapable.

I could go on for days justifying it. A good friend from out of town was down, and he did his best in showing us a good time in Seoul when we went up, so the favor had to be returned (and the guy owns a bar, great friend to have).

I also went off my diet. Had me some nice dunkas at 4 in the morning after the bar. And since I was out so late drinking tequila and giant and tonics, I couldn't make it to the gym on Saturday.

For fucking shame.

Donkasu (pronounced dunk-ass) deep fried pork cutlet served with delicious sauce

However my philosophy remains absolutely no regrets. I had a great time both Friday and Saturday night (on Saturday I drank beer *gasp* - I'm broke and it was the only solution). And life it too fucking short. I live my life more or less like I might die tomorrow and so I do the things that satisfy me.

And so I will take a step back and appreciate a life of moderation. I'll do my clean living thing during the week and enjoy a night out (or two) on the weekend. This weekend X has a friend from Canada coming. We have a Gongshow Galbi planned for him. I'm really looking forward to it.

Update: I was looking for a picture of dunkas and the only one I could find was from a Korean restaurant in LA.

Now I know it isn't actually Korean food, but actually Japanese (most good Korean food isn't Korean). So I searched and found this.

January: By the Numbers

Number of days in the country: 26/31
Number of times I went to the gym: 19/31
Number of days I smoked: 15/31
Number of days I drank beer: 11/31

Goals for Feb:
Gym days = 24/28
Smoking days = 0/28
Beer(/drinking) days = 0/28

:s

Beijing is for lovers

I am really upset that I didn't get to post last week. So much has happened and I would have really like to get all I had to say down before this post. But I suppose if I am diligent then I will come to it eventually.

So we just got back from spending a few days in China and while I would love to say that it was an amazing time, it wasn't. It wasn't all bad, not by any means. There were just a few too many downsides that took away from the whole experience. I remember as I ran through the Summer Palace thinking, "don't worry, you'll be back".

That was the main theme of the trip: 'Beijing: a don't blink or you'll miss it'

Highlights: The massiveness. The city didn't seem to be as sprawling as I would have expected, however did confine our adventures to, I'd guess like 1/4 of the city. But the places that we went. The Temple of Heaven, The Summer Palace, The Great Wall, The Forbidden City, Tainanmen Square - oh, the Olympic grounds - just vast, massive, impressive places.

Another important highlight was the hotel we stayed in. 5 stars. Gorgeous. The bed, the bathroom, the lobby, the gym, the sauna - wonderful, amazing. It however has its drawbacks.

Low lights: the annoying girls on the bus (Americans, of course), the relatively small amounts of time we got to spend of cultural sites versus the time we spent at shopping sights. The fact that our hotel was on the edge of town so we weren't close to anything. That only really mattered at night when we were in want of a place to go out and "kick up our heels". I said I didn't want the trip to be booze filled, but it would have been nice to have to option. Oh, and the lovers.

The Lovers were on perpetual display this weekend and I couldn't get over the terrible feelings they inspired in me. The easy way to describe it would be jealousy. But that is too blanket of a term. It was a sadness, a longing. In the shower this morning I came up with "their togetherness clanged metallic echos against the vast void in my life."

The Lovers by the by are X and Z. Z I've never talked about on here. She's a beautiful girl who works at my school. X and Z hooked up not very long after he arrived in Korea, however it remained to be seen what the outcome of it would be. 5 months later they seem to be a happy couple albeit, neither of them will go ahead and use relationship type words like that.

I said its not jealousy even though it clearly is. I want X still, not sure when that will fade, though I'm counting on the fact that it will. At one and the same time, it was all the other couples that were getting to me as well. The hand-holding, the embracing in the cold, the whispering, the giggling. Its weird because that couple experience is still foreign to me. I have only had two boyfriends and both of them were a farce. I can't really remember having that which I was jealous of. It remains an ideal of something I aspire to find.

And yet, does one actively seek something like that or does it find you? And if it does find you, where's mine? Undoubtedly, it's not in this country. But it I couldn't find it at home either. I did seek it at home and when that failed to yield any positive results, I stopped looking.

But this lonliness is beginning to consume me. I am a quite, sad person. Not the person I was before Christmas. In some respects I miss that me. I miss him so much and want him to come back and shake me out of this slump.

But that me ate like a pig and spent his money like he was rich. This sad me thinks more about what he eats and how he spends. This new sad me is seriously considering doing a rehab like 28 days. I want to refine the regiment I have begun. I want to stop drinking and smoking. I want to stop going out to dinners and indulging. I want to save $1500 and burn 5 pounds of fat. I want to waste away and have people worry about me. I want to spend weekend night alone in my room reading and writing and becoming a better version of myself.

Delusion of grandeur I suppose....

time passes

Only posting because if I don't make a habit of it, I'll stop all together and I don't want to do that.

Two super quick movie review - no three...

Pan's Labyrinth - ****.5/5

Great film. I am mad at myself because I downloaded it. Which, one, means I am taking money out of the filmmaker's pocket; and two, I watched it on my laptop, which makes the quality shit and not nearly how the filmmaker intended it to be watched. I needs me a 63" wide screen plasma. One day...

Great story. I think that Captain is one of the most evil characters I have ever seen on film. Brutal scene with the knife. Haunted. Totally my kind of film though, loved the ending.

Lion's for Lambs - ****/5
Not sure what category this movie falls into - political thriller? (IMDB says "drama|war") Anyways I had a feeling I had seen it before I downloaded it, and as soon as I saw the first shot I knew that I had. Even still I watched it straight through and enjoyed the whole thing.

This one makes you think, and when I saw it university it was a perfect "fight for what you believe" in type of things. I like it especially because of the criticism it levels against the media and its role in the whole "war on terror".

Defiance: ***.5/5

It was a good movie. Completely frustrating because half of the movie is in Russian and because we live in Korea, the subtitles were, well, in Korean. So every time they would start speaking Russian everyone in my group would groan. Whatever.

Awesome performances by all the male leads: Jamie Bell (Billy Elliot) was really great and a boy who grows into a man. Daniel (swoon) Craig was also great, not as pout-ie as his 007 preformances which was nice and Leiv Schreiber who is always amazing.

Not gonna lie, kind of under whelmed. Gets points for that "enduring human spirit" thing.

* * *

Not much else going on. I am slowing starting to see a reduction in my belly fat. That makes me feel pretty good. However I will still call myself fat until the time that I can say, "hey? wanna see my abs?"

I might start going to muay thai with X. Not anytime soon soon. Maybe in like... April. My gym membership is paid for till then and this new place would be 100 a month. I have never been involved with anything like that, or at least not in my adult life. Might be good for me. I'm afraid of physical confrontation. Offically, I'm against it - "I'm a lover, not a fighter". But its more the fear of pain and injury. Yeah might be good for me.

Oh yeah leaving for China next Saturday. Should probably start packing. Its just four days, but CHINA!! Anywhozl. Shower time.

self realization is awesome

So yeah I WAS feeling really down and I thought it was X, but I realized, "wait, its January, and I'm single yet again. And I do seem to be single and depressed in January. SEASONAL DEPRESSION!."

And just like that I felt a whole hell of a lot better. I realized, I'm not that sad of in individual that some straight guy is going to make my life not worth living (:), its just this time of year. I'm not sure if it is the fact that I am faced with the challenge of a new year and new goals and whatnot, because I don't really internalize or stress about that idea, or if its being lonly, because lets face it, I'm good at being alone and bad at being together. Its just the bitter cold and the seeming neverending banality of my life. (!!)

Anyways since I made this realization, I actually feel a million times better. I'm so much more focused on my goals - perhaps motivated is the word.

Anyways China is in... 10 days (fuck) and so a week and a bit more. I am hoping that by the end of Febuary I will have soemthing to show for my deiting. I hate this diet. I'm bored of it already... and it was would be so much more enjoyable if the price of chicken would stop going up(!). Yeah, a lot of spinich and egg whites and now tofu (blah). I only drank beer once last week and once this week. I know its only Wednesday, but thats one resolution I'd liek to keep. Its really not Taco Tuesday without a couple of beers.

Boring post ends - Now.

emotions are stupid

I have been unable to shake this thing for X and it is completely maddening. I cannot believe that I am so - obsessed. Its sick.

Friday night we went out - all the teachers for dinner and drinks. I was having a great time. And then I noticed that he was sucking face with his (not) girlfriend. And my mood completely changed. As if!

I went to the gym on Saturday (woohoo!) and couldn't stop thinking about him and how much I hurt that we couldn't be together. I am disgusted that that is even possible.

But for as much as I know that the idea is moronic I can't do much about it. I suppose if I meditated on it I could come to terms with it, but I'm not a meditating kind of guy.

I think that writing this is helping. I feel better already.

Last night I drank at bottle of CC. I don't remember much. Woke up on my friend's floor.

Plan for this week. Gym six times. Wake up early and do legs and skip. Going to try and eat more sensibly than this week - I did pretty well though I think...

third time around

So this is my third blog. I haven't written in my last blog for over six months, probably closer to eight and I can't be bothered to update it, so I am starting anew.

Currently I have found sometime to blog again which is nice since I do really love to do it. I am an ESL teacher in South Korea and my afternoon schedule now includes a spare every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. I should be preparing for my classes and aiming higher for myself and my students. But truth is I can't be bothered and I will do the same as I always do, walk into class and ask what page we're on.

Its not that I don't care about the kids or my job, its just that I have become quite content with settling for mediocrity. I suppose that's why all of my attempts at body modification have ended in failure.

But of course at minutes to midnight on December 31st, I vowed to turn it all around and make some positive changes in my life. Quit smoking, blah, getting off beer, blah, and blogging again. Blah.

I could/should do it when I'm off the clock, before bed perhaps. But I have to blog when I'm inspired. And I am inspired most when I am in the middle of my day and need to escape the reality that is dealing with these children. Today they haven't been particularly bad per say. In fact my kindergarten class went from 9 to 7 over the break and small classes are much easier to deal with than big ones.

But I am sort of in need to a release, or escape. I just got back from Thailand. It was beautiful. It was scerne. It was just what I needed after five months of teaching. But coming back I was not prepared for round two. I hadn't come to terms with the end of my vacation and this morning as I was trying to teach 6 year olds, who are in their 2nd year of English what ecology and pollution are, I just wanted to run away and never look back. The thought enters my head every so often. How much I want to go home. How over these children and the job I am. But I can't cut and run. Its not THAT terrible. I'm not swinging a sledge hammer or working retail. Both I've done and both are worse.

Its just... something. I don't know.

Well, its good to be back blogoshere. If you haven't read my stuff before check out my profile and read away.

The next post will be about Thailand and forbidden love. Oh yeah its good to be back.