Number of days in the country: 26/31
Number of times I went to the gym: 19/31
Number of days I smoked: 15/31
Number of days I drank beer: 11/31
Goals for Feb:
Gym days = 24/28
Smoking days = 0/28
Beer(/drinking) days = 0/28
:s
Saturday, January 31, 2009
A glorious weekend
Even though the past month or so has been pretty hectic (Thailand for New years, China last weekend), weekends in Korea are pretty - dull.
It's not so much unlike home. The same people get together at the same places and do the same thing. When we first got here that meant drinking till the wee hours of the morning and then spending Sunday recovering. After a while though the toll that was taking on our bodies became unbearable and so the boozefest was confined to Friday night and Saturday was spent doing slightly more interesting things. Watching old movies that had been on 'must-watch' lists for years, drinking wine and making dinners, chating and laughing - good times.
This weekend however was a little different - and amazing. As I was saying before, I really want to make a go of a strict diet and sobriety attempt for the month of February and so I tried my hardest (which didn't take much effort) to get super, gongshow, shitfaced on Friday night.
Fridays, we go to this fantastic galbi (Korean BBQ) place in KSU which is right down the street fron our favorite bar Keno-Eye. The owers is a realyl cool guy, very friendly and generous. He also writes off a few bottle of soju for our table as well as comps us some after dinner soup (usually it is spiecer than like octopus soup, this week it was some other red paste fish soup).
Anyways, long story short, this week we end up getting into an informal drinking competition with a table of businessmen sitting next to us. They did an obnoxiously loud cheers, so we had to one up them. But they were not having any of it. So 3 or 4 cokesomecs later, I'm pretty sure we won.
We leave gabli (full dinner: apps, main, finisher, and shitfaced drunk amound of drinks = $13 incl. tip) and head to Keno. Being as cheep as I am (and broke) I poured the leftover soju into one bottle and me and X and Z stood throwing it back in the street outside of the bar. We go in and have a gay ol' time - played darts, danced, laughed. On the dancefloor I see a very friendly face. I had met him the week before, but just briefly seeing as I was leaving for China in the morning and it was coming up on 2a.m.
So me and guy are dancing and its not long before we're making out. Sloppy, gross, drunk making out in a bar full or straights. Glorious. And terrible, but glorious. Took guy home, even more glorious. Praise the lord, I got laid. I was beginning to get worried that it would never happen again. It was contributing somewhat to the grey state of mind I have been in for a while. I'm sure that was almost 6 weeks since I had last... not an incredible drought, but... long time.
That Friday. Saturday was spent mostly nursing the hangover from Friday. Watched some Ugly Betty, ate a glorious breakfest, did some laundry. Finally finished watching this season of The Amazing Race. Yea Nick and Starr. Which reminds me...
This is Dallas. He raced with his mom. They came in fourth place. I came across this a while back. This is why you should NEVER send pictures of yourself to ANYBODY EVER. They WILL end up on the internet. Pretty hot though, eh?
Anyways. Oh yes, Saturday. A former co-teacher of ours, got us a ridculous christmas present. Somehow, someway he found a source of pot and GIFTED a joint to us. Its much the best present ever for pot deprived Canucks in a strange drug-free land.
It came in the form of a joint and a roach, and one day after we got back from Thailand, X and I could not handle ourselves and smoked the roach without our friends. It was amazing. It was like an old friend had just wrapped you with a blanket and put his head on your shoulder and whipsered "everything is going to be alright." From the roach we only got 2 pulls each and so we made an executive decision that if we were going to smoke the rest between us and our co-workers (5 in total), we'd have to construct some kind of smoking device. We made a bucket/gravity bong and last night we got together at his place to do the deed.
When we got there he threw on Pumping Iron, for shits I suppose, but our entire group was enraptured by this film about muscle gods who competed against eachother in a quest to be named best of the best. It was truly an amazing film, most definetely worth watching.
X divided the ganj into 5 equal piles. He used his infinate wisdom and said "maybe we can get two bowls of out this." And that dear friends was the best idea EVER. Because that half bowl was just enough. The high crept up on you, that old friend wrapping you with the blanket. But soon he pulled the blanket over your head and put you in a garbage can and rolled you down and hill and when you got the bottom him and his friends beat the can with rocks and sticks. It was like I had never been high in my life. Like I was wasted. The girls was on a whole other level we had one parital freak out and two instant nappers.
I insisted we watch this movie Freaked. I remember it from when I was a child and my cousins showing it to me. And it must have been made by stoners for stoners because it was out of control. It was surreal and fantastical and hilarious. If you like silly B movies from the early '90s (and do drugs) give it a look see.
No one said a word for th entire movie and it seemed to go a lot quicker than the hour 20 running time. X and I tried to convince the girls it was a the prefect time for a MegaMart run, but they were having none of it. Two went home and Z said she couldn't move. So X and I went and go ice cream. Then I had a dunkas (fried pork and rice). Then I came home and watched some LOST and passed out. Wonderful. Just like old times.
Today I am going to watch more TV and stay in bed like I do most Sundays. And it will be glorious.
It's not so much unlike home. The same people get together at the same places and do the same thing. When we first got here that meant drinking till the wee hours of the morning and then spending Sunday recovering. After a while though the toll that was taking on our bodies became unbearable and so the boozefest was confined to Friday night and Saturday was spent doing slightly more interesting things. Watching old movies that had been on 'must-watch' lists for years, drinking wine and making dinners, chating and laughing - good times.
This weekend however was a little different - and amazing. As I was saying before, I really want to make a go of a strict diet and sobriety attempt for the month of February and so I tried my hardest (which didn't take much effort) to get super, gongshow, shitfaced on Friday night.
Fridays, we go to this fantastic galbi (Korean BBQ) place in KSU which is right down the street fron our favorite bar Keno-Eye. The owers is a realyl cool guy, very friendly and generous. He also writes off a few bottle of soju for our table as well as comps us some after dinner soup (usually it is spiecer than like octopus soup, this week it was some other red paste fish soup).
Anyways, long story short, this week we end up getting into an informal drinking competition with a table of businessmen sitting next to us. They did an obnoxiously loud cheers, so we had to one up them. But they were not having any of it. So 3 or 4 cokesomecs later, I'm pretty sure we won.We leave gabli (full dinner: apps, main, finisher, and shitfaced drunk amound of drinks = $13 incl. tip) and head to Keno. Being as cheep as I am (and broke) I poured the leftover soju into one bottle and me and X and Z stood throwing it back in the street outside of the bar. We go in and have a gay ol' time - played darts, danced, laughed. On the dancefloor I see a very friendly face. I had met him the week before, but just briefly seeing as I was leaving for China in the morning and it was coming up on 2a.m.
So me and guy are dancing and its not long before we're making out. Sloppy, gross, drunk making out in a bar full or straights. Glorious. And terrible, but glorious. Took guy home, even more glorious. Praise the lord, I got laid. I was beginning to get worried that it would never happen again. It was contributing somewhat to the grey state of mind I have been in for a while. I'm sure that was almost 6 weeks since I had last... not an incredible drought, but... long time.
That Friday. Saturday was spent mostly nursing the hangover from Friday. Watched some Ugly Betty, ate a glorious breakfest, did some laundry. Finally finished watching this season of The Amazing Race. Yea Nick and Starr. Which reminds me...
This is Dallas. He raced with his mom. They came in fourth place. I came across this a while back. This is why you should NEVER send pictures of yourself to ANYBODY EVER. They WILL end up on the internet. Pretty hot though, eh?
Anyways. Oh yes, Saturday. A former co-teacher of ours, got us a ridculous christmas present. Somehow, someway he found a source of pot and GIFTED a joint to us. Its much the best present ever for pot deprived Canucks in a strange drug-free land.It came in the form of a joint and a roach, and one day after we got back from Thailand, X and I could not handle ourselves and smoked the roach without our friends. It was amazing. It was like an old friend had just wrapped you with a blanket and put his head on your shoulder and whipsered "everything is going to be alright." From the roach we only got 2 pulls each and so we made an executive decision that if we were going to smoke the rest between us and our co-workers (5 in total), we'd have to construct some kind of smoking device. We made a bucket/gravity bong and last night we got together at his place to do the deed.
When we got there he threw on Pumping Iron, for shits I suppose, but our entire group was enraptured by this film about muscle gods who competed against eachother in a quest to be named best of the best. It was truly an amazing film, most definetely worth watching.
X divided the ganj into 5 equal piles. He used his infinate wisdom and said "maybe we can get two bowls of out this." And that dear friends was the best idea EVER. Because that half bowl was just enough. The high crept up on you, that old friend wrapping you with the blanket. But soon he pulled the blanket over your head and put you in a garbage can and rolled you down and hill and when you got the bottom him and his friends beat the can with rocks and sticks. It was like I had never been high in my life. Like I was wasted. The girls was on a whole other level we had one parital freak out and two instant nappers.
I insisted we watch this movie Freaked. I remember it from when I was a child and my cousins showing it to me. And it must have been made by stoners for stoners because it was out of control. It was surreal and fantastical and hilarious. If you like silly B movies from the early '90s (and do drugs) give it a look see.
No one said a word for th entire movie and it seemed to go a lot quicker than the hour 20 running time. X and I tried to convince the girls it was a the prefect time for a MegaMart run, but they were having none of it. Two went home and Z said she couldn't move. So X and I went and go ice cream. Then I had a dunkas (fried pork and rice). Then I came home and watched some LOST and passed out. Wonderful. Just like old times.Today I am going to watch more TV and stay in bed like I do most Sundays. And it will be glorious.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Beijing is for lovers
I am really upset that I didn't get to post last week. So much has happened and I would have really like to get all I had to say down before this post. But I suppose if I am diligent then I will come to it eventually.
So we just got back from spending a few days in China and while I would love to say that it was an amazing time, it wasn't. It wasn't all bad, not by any means. There were just a few too many downsides that took away from the whole experience. I remember as I ran through the Summer Palace thinking, "don't worry, you'll be back".
That was the main theme of the trip: 'Beijing: a don't blink or you'll miss it'
Highlights: The massiveness. The city didn't seem to be as sprawling as I would have expected, however did confine our adventures to, I'd guess like 1/4 of the city. But the places that we went. The Temple of Heaven, The Summer Palace, The Great Wall, The Forbidden City, Tainanmen Square - oh, the Olympic grounds - just vast, massive, impressive places.
Another important highlight was the hotel we stayed in. 5 stars. Gorgeous. The bed, the bathroom, the lobby, the gym, the sauna - wonderful, amazing. It however has its drawbacks.
Low lights: the annoying girls on the bus (Americans, of course), the relatively small amounts of time we got to spend of cultural sites versus the time we spent at shopping sights. The fact that our hotel was on the edge of town so we weren't close to anything. That only really mattered at night when we were in want of a place to go out and "kick up our heels". I said I didn't want the trip to be booze filled, but it would have been nice to have to option. Oh, and the lovers.
The Lovers were on perpetual display this weekend and I couldn't get over the terrible feelings they inspired in me. The easy way to describe it would be jealousy. But that is too blanket of a term. It was a sadness, a longing. In the shower this morning I came up with "their togetherness clanged metallic echos against the vast void in my life."
The Lovers by the by are X and Z. Z I've never talked about on here. She's a beautiful girl who works at my school. X and Z hooked up not very long after he arrived in Korea, however it remained to be seen what the outcome of it would be. 5 months later they seem to be a happy couple albeit, neither of them will go ahead and use relationship type words like that.
I said its not jealousy even though it clearly is. I want X still, not sure when that will fade, though I'm counting on the fact that it will. At one and the same time, it was all the other couples that were getting to me as well. The hand-holding, the embracing in the cold, the whispering, the giggling. Its weird because that couple experience is still foreign to me. I have only had two boyfriends and both of them were a farce. I can't really remember having that which I was jealous of. It remains an ideal of something I aspire to find.
And yet, does one actively seek something like that or does it find you? And if it does find you, where's mine? Undoubtedly, it's not in this country. But it I couldn't find it at home either. I did seek it at home and when that failed to yield any positive results, I stopped looking.
But this lonliness is beginning to consume me. I am a quite, sad person. Not the person I was before Christmas. In some respects I miss that me. I miss him so much and want him to come back and shake me out of this slump.
But that me ate like a pig and spent his money like he was rich. This sad me thinks more about what he eats and how he spends. This new sad me is seriously considering doing a rehab like 28 days. I want to refine the regiment I have begun. I want to stop drinking and smoking. I want to stop going out to dinners and indulging. I want to save $1500 and burn 5 pounds of fat. I want to waste away and have people worry about me. I want to spend weekend night alone in my room reading and writing and becoming a better version of myself.
Delusion of grandeur I suppose....
So we just got back from spending a few days in China and while I would love to say that it was an amazing time, it wasn't. It wasn't all bad, not by any means. There were just a few too many downsides that took away from the whole experience. I remember as I ran through the Summer Palace thinking, "don't worry, you'll be back".
That was the main theme of the trip: 'Beijing: a don't blink or you'll miss it'
Highlights: The massiveness. The city didn't seem to be as sprawling as I would have expected, however did confine our adventures to, I'd guess like 1/4 of the city. But the places that we went. The Temple of Heaven, The Summer Palace, The Great Wall, The Forbidden City, Tainanmen Square - oh, the Olympic grounds - just vast, massive, impressive places.
Another important highlight was the hotel we stayed in. 5 stars. Gorgeous. The bed, the bathroom, the lobby, the gym, the sauna - wonderful, amazing. It however has its drawbacks.
Low lights: the annoying girls on the bus (Americans, of course), the relatively small amounts of time we got to spend of cultural sites versus the time we spent at shopping sights. The fact that our hotel was on the edge of town so we weren't close to anything. That only really mattered at night when we were in want of a place to go out and "kick up our heels". I said I didn't want the trip to be booze filled, but it would have been nice to have to option. Oh, and the lovers.
The Lovers were on perpetual display this weekend and I couldn't get over the terrible feelings they inspired in me. The easy way to describe it would be jealousy. But that is too blanket of a term. It was a sadness, a longing. In the shower this morning I came up with "their togetherness clanged metallic echos against the vast void in my life."
The Lovers by the by are X and Z. Z I've never talked about on here. She's a beautiful girl who works at my school. X and Z hooked up not very long after he arrived in Korea, however it remained to be seen what the outcome of it would be. 5 months later they seem to be a happy couple albeit, neither of them will go ahead and use relationship type words like that.
I said its not jealousy even though it clearly is. I want X still, not sure when that will fade, though I'm counting on the fact that it will. At one and the same time, it was all the other couples that were getting to me as well. The hand-holding, the embracing in the cold, the whispering, the giggling. Its weird because that couple experience is still foreign to me. I have only had two boyfriends and both of them were a farce. I can't really remember having that which I was jealous of. It remains an ideal of something I aspire to find.
And yet, does one actively seek something like that or does it find you? And if it does find you, where's mine? Undoubtedly, it's not in this country. But it I couldn't find it at home either. I did seek it at home and when that failed to yield any positive results, I stopped looking.
But this lonliness is beginning to consume me. I am a quite, sad person. Not the person I was before Christmas. In some respects I miss that me. I miss him so much and want him to come back and shake me out of this slump.
But that me ate like a pig and spent his money like he was rich. This sad me thinks more about what he eats and how he spends. This new sad me is seriously considering doing a rehab like 28 days. I want to refine the regiment I have begun. I want to stop drinking and smoking. I want to stop going out to dinners and indulging. I want to save $1500 and burn 5 pounds of fat. I want to waste away and have people worry about me. I want to spend weekend night alone in my room reading and writing and becoming a better version of myself.
Delusion of grandeur I suppose....
Saturday, January 17, 2009
time passes
Only posting because if I don't make a habit of it, I'll stop all together and I don't want to do that.
Two super quick movie review - no three...
Pan's Labyrinth - ****.5/5
Great film. I am mad at myself because I downloaded it. Which, one, means I am taking money out of the filmmaker's pocket; and two, I watched it on my laptop, which makes the quality shit and not nearly how the filmmaker intended it to be watched. I needs me a 63" wide screen plasma. One day...
Great story. I think that Captain is one of the most evil characters I have ever seen on film. Brutal scene with the knife. Haunted. Totally my kind of film though, loved the ending.
Lion's for Lambs - ****/5
Not sure what category this movie falls into - political thriller? (IMDB says "drama|war") Anyways I had a feeling I had seen it before I downloaded it, and as soon as I saw the first shot I knew that I had. Even still I watched it straight through and enjoyed the whole thing.
This one makes you think, and when I saw it university it was a perfect "fight for what you believe" in type of things. I like it especially because of the criticism it levels against the media and its role in the whole "war on terror".
Defiance: ***.5/5
It was a good movie. Completely frustrating because half of the movie is in Russian and because we live in Korea, the subtitles were, well, in Korean. So every time they would start speaking Russian everyone in my group would groan. Whatever.
Awesome performances by all the male leads: Jamie Bell (Billy Elliot) was really great and a boy who grows into a man. Daniel (swoon) Craig was also great, not as pout-ie as his 007 preformances which was nice and Leiv Schreiber who is always amazing.
Not gonna lie, kind of under whelmed. Gets points for that "enduring human spirit" thing.
I might start going to muay thai with X. Not anytime soon soon. Maybe in like... April. My gym membership is paid for till then and this new place would be 100 a month. I have never been involved with anything like that, or at least not in my adult life. Might be good for me. I'm afraid of physical confrontation. Offically, I'm against it - "I'm a lover, not a fighter". But its more the fear of pain and injury. Yeah might be good for me.
Oh yeah leaving for China next Saturday. Should probably start packing. Its just four days, but CHINA!! Anywhozl. Shower time.
Two super quick movie review - no three...
Pan's Labyrinth - ****.5/5
Great film. I am mad at myself because I downloaded it. Which, one, means I am taking money out of the filmmaker's pocket; and two, I watched it on my laptop, which makes the quality shit and not nearly how the filmmaker intended it to be watched. I needs me a 63" wide screen plasma. One day...Great story. I think that Captain is one of the most evil characters I have ever seen on film. Brutal scene with the knife. Haunted. Totally my kind of film though, loved the ending.
Lion's for Lambs - ****/5
Not sure what category this movie falls into - political thriller? (IMDB says "drama|war") Anyways I had a feeling I had seen it before I downloaded it, and as soon as I saw the first shot I knew that I had. Even still I watched it straight through and enjoyed the whole thing.This one makes you think, and when I saw it university it was a perfect "fight for what you believe" in type of things. I like it especially because of the criticism it levels against the media and its role in the whole "war on terror".
Defiance: ***.5/5
It was a good movie. Completely frustrating because half of the movie is in Russian and because we live in Korea, the subtitles were, well, in Korean. So every time they would start speaking Russian everyone in my group would groan. Whatever.
Awesome performances by all the male leads: Jamie Bell (Billy Elliot) was really great and a boy who grows into a man. Daniel (swoon) Craig was also great, not as pout-ie as his 007 preformances which was nice and Leiv Schreiber who is always amazing.
Not gonna lie, kind of under whelmed. Gets points for that "enduring human spirit" thing.
* * *
Not much else going on. I am slowing starting to see a reduction in my belly fat. That makes me feel pretty good. However I will still call myself fat until the time that I can say, "hey? wanna see my abs?"I might start going to muay thai with X. Not anytime soon soon. Maybe in like... April. My gym membership is paid for till then and this new place would be 100 a month. I have never been involved with anything like that, or at least not in my adult life. Might be good for me. I'm afraid of physical confrontation. Offically, I'm against it - "I'm a lover, not a fighter". But its more the fear of pain and injury. Yeah might be good for me.
Oh yeah leaving for China next Saturday. Should probably start packing. Its just four days, but CHINA!! Anywhozl. Shower time.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
self realization is awesome
So yeah I WAS feeling really down and I thought it was X, but I realized, "wait, its January, and I'm single yet again. And I do seem to be single and depressed in January. SEASONAL DEPRESSION!."
And just like that I felt a whole hell of a lot better. I realized, I'm not that sad of in individual that some straight guy is going to make my life not worth living (:), its just this time of year. I'm not sure if it is the fact that I am faced with the challenge of a new year and new goals and whatnot, because I don't really internalize or stress about that idea, or if its being lonly, because lets face it, I'm good at being alone and bad at being together. Its just the bitter cold and the seeming neverending banality of my life. (!!)
Anyways since I made this realization, I actually feel a million times better. I'm so much more focused on my goals - perhaps motivated is the word.
Anyways China is in... 10 days (fuck) and so a week and a bit more. I am hoping that by the end of Febuary I will have soemthing to show for my deiting. I hate this diet. I'm bored of it already... and it was would be so much more enjoyable if the price of chicken would stop going up(!). Yeah, a lot of spinich and egg whites and now tofu (blah). I only drank beer once last week and once this week. I know its only Wednesday, but thats one resolution I'd liek to keep. Its really not Taco Tuesday without a couple of beers.
Boring post ends - Now.
And just like that I felt a whole hell of a lot better. I realized, I'm not that sad of in individual that some straight guy is going to make my life not worth living (:), its just this time of year. I'm not sure if it is the fact that I am faced with the challenge of a new year and new goals and whatnot, because I don't really internalize or stress about that idea, or if its being lonly, because lets face it, I'm good at being alone and bad at being together. Its just the bitter cold and the seeming neverending banality of my life. (!!)
Anyways since I made this realization, I actually feel a million times better. I'm so much more focused on my goals - perhaps motivated is the word.
Anyways China is in... 10 days (fuck) and so a week and a bit more. I am hoping that by the end of Febuary I will have soemthing to show for my deiting. I hate this diet. I'm bored of it already... and it was would be so much more enjoyable if the price of chicken would stop going up(!). Yeah, a lot of spinich and egg whites and now tofu (blah). I only drank beer once last week and once this week. I know its only Wednesday, but thats one resolution I'd liek to keep. Its really not Taco Tuesday without a couple of beers.
Boring post ends - Now.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
emotions are stupid
I have been unable to shake this thing for X and it is completely maddening. I cannot believe that I am so - obsessed. Its sick.
Friday night we went out - all the teachers for dinner and drinks. I was having a great time. And then I noticed that he was sucking face with his (not) girlfriend. And my mood completely changed. As if!
I went to the gym on Saturday (woohoo!) and couldn't stop thinking about him and how much I hurt that we couldn't be together. I am disgusted that that is even possible.
But for as much as I know that the idea is moronic I can't do much about it. I suppose if I meditated on it I could come to terms with it, but I'm not a meditating kind of guy.
I think that writing this is helping. I feel better already.
Last night I drank at bottle of CC. I don't remember much. Woke up on my friend's floor.
Plan for this week. Gym six times. Wake up early and do legs and skip. Going to try and eat more sensibly than this week - I did pretty well though I think...
Friday night we went out - all the teachers for dinner and drinks. I was having a great time. And then I noticed that he was sucking face with his (not) girlfriend. And my mood completely changed. As if!
I went to the gym on Saturday (woohoo!) and couldn't stop thinking about him and how much I hurt that we couldn't be together. I am disgusted that that is even possible.
But for as much as I know that the idea is moronic I can't do much about it. I suppose if I meditated on it I could come to terms with it, but I'm not a meditating kind of guy.
I think that writing this is helping. I feel better already.
Last night I drank at bottle of CC. I don't remember much. Woke up on my friend's floor.
Plan for this week. Gym six times. Wake up early and do legs and skip. Going to try and eat more sensibly than this week - I did pretty well though I think...
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Thailand: in brief
I don't know what I expected from Thailand, but I have to say I was not disappointed. It was everything a tropical destination should be. It was hot, there were beaches, and tourists, and exotic scenes. It wasn't nearly as... what's the word... oriental - in the academic sense - as I would have hoped. Everything I saw, I somewhat expected, and as a matter of fact, actually reminded me of somewhere I'd been before: Cancun, Mexico.
Now I loved Cancun - had a fucking blast there. That also was everything a tropical destination should be. There was lots of drinking, lots of sunbathing, a lot of (not nearly close to Thailand) delicious food. I gorged myself in both places and drank more than is necessary as well.
What I did not except in Thailand was to fall in love. Writing it now seems oh so tripe, but I kind of live for shit like this. I'm not going to beat around the bush, simply because it wouldn't be hard to figure out who exactly the object of my affection is (was). But for sake of him I'll call him X, a fellow teacher at my school.
I remember the day X showed his face at school and how enamored I was with him at the outset. He was kind and handsome and generally a cool guy. However I quickly came to put him in the same category as all boys of that description; Straight and unattainable.
But in Thailand we bonded. More than we had in Korea and it was nice. It was really, really nice. It was nice to feela connection to someone and know that they enjoyed your company. Of course I am sure that the majority of it was imagined, but when we were leaving (our group one day ahead of him)I was heartbroken. I suppose I knew that the fantasy was over and that back in the real world we would go back to friends who shared a workspace and social group and not much else.
I will leave the tale of Will and X at that.There's no need to postulate and things that can never be and really never were. As I said I live for shit like that. Its all I've got.
I will leave the tale of Will and X at that.There's no need to postulate and things that can never be and really never were. As I said I live for shit like that. Its all I've got.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
third time around
So this is my third blog. I haven't written in my last blog for over six months, probably closer to eight and I can't be bothered to update it, so I am starting anew.
Currently I have found sometime to blog again which is nice since I do really love to do it. I am an ESL teacher in South Korea and my afternoon schedule now includes a spare every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. I should be preparing for my classes and aiming higher for myself and my students. But truth is I can't be bothered and I will do the same as I always do, walk into class and ask what page we're on.
Its not that I don't care about the kids or my job, its just that I have become quite content with settling for mediocrity. I suppose that's why all of my attempts at body modification have ended in failure.
But of course at minutes to midnight on December 31st, I vowed to turn it all around and make some positive changes in my life. Quit smoking, blah, getting off beer, blah, and blogging again. Blah.
I could/should do it when I'm off the clock, before bed perhaps. But I have to blog when I'm inspired. And I am inspired most when I am in the middle of my day and need to escape the reality that is dealing with these children. Today they haven't been particularly bad per say. In fact my kindergarten class went from 9 to 7 over the break and small classes are much easier to deal with than big ones.
But I am sort of in need to a release, or escape. I just got back from Thailand. It was beautiful. It was scerne. It was just what I needed after five months of teaching. But coming back I was not prepared for round two. I hadn't come to terms with the end of my vacation and this morning as I was trying to teach 6 year olds, who are in their 2nd year of English what ecology and pollution are, I just wanted to run away and never look back. The thought enters my head every so often. How much I want to go home. How over these children and the job I am. But I can't cut and run. Its not THAT terrible. I'm not swinging a sledge hammer or working retail. Both I've done and both are worse.
Its just... something. I don't know.
Well, its good to be back blogoshere. If you haven't read my stuff before check out my profile and read away.
The next post will be about Thailand and forbidden love. Oh yeah its good to be back.
Currently I have found sometime to blog again which is nice since I do really love to do it. I am an ESL teacher in South Korea and my afternoon schedule now includes a spare every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. I should be preparing for my classes and aiming higher for myself and my students. But truth is I can't be bothered and I will do the same as I always do, walk into class and ask what page we're on.
Its not that I don't care about the kids or my job, its just that I have become quite content with settling for mediocrity. I suppose that's why all of my attempts at body modification have ended in failure.
But of course at minutes to midnight on December 31st, I vowed to turn it all around and make some positive changes in my life. Quit smoking, blah, getting off beer, blah, and blogging again. Blah.
I could/should do it when I'm off the clock, before bed perhaps. But I have to blog when I'm inspired. And I am inspired most when I am in the middle of my day and need to escape the reality that is dealing with these children. Today they haven't been particularly bad per say. In fact my kindergarten class went from 9 to 7 over the break and small classes are much easier to deal with than big ones.
But I am sort of in need to a release, or escape. I just got back from Thailand. It was beautiful. It was scerne. It was just what I needed after five months of teaching. But coming back I was not prepared for round two. I hadn't come to terms with the end of my vacation and this morning as I was trying to teach 6 year olds, who are in their 2nd year of English what ecology and pollution are, I just wanted to run away and never look back. The thought enters my head every so often. How much I want to go home. How over these children and the job I am. But I can't cut and run. Its not THAT terrible. I'm not swinging a sledge hammer or working retail. Both I've done and both are worse.
Its just... something. I don't know.
Well, its good to be back blogoshere. If you haven't read my stuff before check out my profile and read away.
The next post will be about Thailand and forbidden love. Oh yeah its good to be back.
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