Everythings gone to shit

J.C. I can't believe how quickly things change. I equally cannot believe just how not in my favor things change. Thankfully its late at night and I don't have time to go into the details of it all, but I need to get something down before it all changes again, and the whole idea of chronicling becomes as void as I secretly know it is.

Work
My kids' graduation was last week Wednesday. I really wish I could say it all went off without a hitch. The fact of the matter everything went wrong. They were too quite. The dumb bitch running the music fuct up the cue, so my kids stood there like deers in the headlights until the last second and finally pulled it together - somewhat. They kept changing the order of who was walking onto the stage to do their graduation bow. By the end of the showing I was fuming mad.

Of course that all melted away when I saw the first crying mother come on stage to congratulate her son. By the time I posed for the 5th picture I had all but forgotten that anything other what we had practiced for weeks and weeks had occurred. Of course we did have to go and teach for the rest of the afternoon, but the celebration that night was fucking brilliant. You know, Gongshow Galbi, good times.

Today we started out new semester and it is right fuct. We now rotate in the morning so I see three different kindergartens - balls. My homeroom is 1st year "6" year olds. It sucks. But they do seem like a good group of kids and I really hope they start to pick up what I'm putting down real fucking quick. I don't think I have ever looked at the clock more than today.

My afternoon also right sucks cock. No details neccessary, just sucks. Over it though, could be worse.

The X situation
I so fucking had the X situation unde control. I fucking did. We had a drunken love-in one night at Galbi, and in my head I said, "Ok, I get it. I really do love this guy so much more as a friend than as a(n imaginary) lover. He's fucking awesome and I CAN'T do anything to fuck this up."

Then for reasons, I really can't remember, those old familar, sinful feelings starting bubbling up again and I couldn't (can't) get him out of my head. It's really a day to day thing really. Sitting here now I'm like, well, I actually might just have it under control and blah blah blah. But then the weekend comes and I can't help myself.

It really doesn't help that I don't have any other prospects. The situation with that Matt is boarderline toxic. I am not sure how I even entertained the idea of trying to court him. I stumble at every attempt, and I have zero motivation to try and sweep him off his feet with my supposed/imagined charm. I can't be fucking bothered. He doesn't do it for me in that way. The single positive attribute that I attatch to him is that he might let me fuck him again. Thats it. Bah. Terrible.

Just to make sure that I've make this a complete "woe is me" post, I skipped the gym everyday last week. That means I went twice in the last two weeks of February. Fucking Fantastic Will.

*Sigh* Went to the gym today though. I do have my shit somewhat organized at work. My birthday is this weekend and it looks like it might actually turn out. But I shouldn't say anything lest I jinx it. I seem to be good at that.